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When a man loses his spouse, whether it is due to divorce or death, he is left without someone with whom he can share his innermost feelings.There is still a societal norm that strong men do not cry and do not show emotions -- and the grieving widower may feel he needs to hide his anguish.The following is an example of “fits and starts” from a recent letter I received:“I have been dating a widower for the past two years. He says they were very happy and everyone I meet tells me how wonderful she was.Initially, he dove right into the relationship and we seemed to be the perfect match.

He may feel betrayed that she singularly chose to end her life -- a life that they shared together.So many things can complicate adjustment: feelings of guilt over being the survivor, difficulty imagining being in love again, fear that you would fall in love again, and perhaps most difficult to control, the feeling of being robbed, of a partner taken before her time.Though no one can tell someone how long to grieve, when grief continues unabated, it takes a toll on an individual’s health and is emotionally taxing on everyone around the person.After six months of dating, he withdrew and said he had to work out in his mind issues that were about him and his wife, and he wasn't ready to discuss them with me.He is very close to his late wife’s family and they celebrate her birthday and death every year.By Pepper Schwartz Copyright © 2014 AARP All rights reserved.